Tag: #wordpressmentalhealth

Words and Loneliness

I know this. I know that loneliness can be strong. Can appear when you’re surrounded and when you’re alone. Can appear suddenly in times of happiness. Like a tsunami bursting through the peace and rest of the night. Tranquility. Turning all to chaos and stealing beings from their slumber. Replacing them with sadness. Loneliness can swallow you. Anchor you deep into darkness.

I know this too. That loneliness is lifted by time spent in God’s Word. Not just in prayer but in His Words. Turning to Him. Talking with Him. Listening to Him. His Word holds many Treasures.

I am so grateful for His Word. Brings me life. His Life. Light.

Soldiers. Veterans.

We, government and citizens, do not take care of our soldiers. Our veterans. We ask them to do things and make sacrifices that we are afraid to do in dreams. Dreams we call nightmares.

We yank the alcohol from hands and replace it with a gun. Saying “Defend”. Back home and battle worn, we yank the gun out of their hands and replace it with alcohol. Saying “Deal”.

We need to do better.

Unheard Unseen

With interruptions and snap assumptions, I realize most do not know me. Know who I am. People close to me. Family. Close friends. An idea of me has been formed and cemented in their minds. I can speak words but am not heard. I behave as me. I can grow. I can change. I allow Him to refine and strengthen my roots and branches. But the idea of me formed in my darkness is what others forever see. And; it is okay.

I just hope and pray that I do not do the same to others. True self unheard and unseen can be lonely. I don’t want others to feel alone because of me.

Nothing New

The world has been here before… Pandemics and war and fear of wars… Leaving some behind and forcing others forward… There’s nothing new of today… The world has been here before…

It is not an excuse to be complacent but a reason to breathe… Nothing positive is accomplished with fear and anxiety… So take a deep breath and pray…

The only thing you have control over is what you see in front of you… So leave the world to your prayers and work where you see…

Overtime and with hindsight we will see how we move… Slowly forward with a few steps back because there is nothing new the world hasn’t seen…

If you need a reminder, put Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” 1989 and dance out your stress out like no one is watching you.

Afghanistan II

Dear Veterans,

I won’t lie and say I understand the pain, the anger, the despair… But I know others who do… As my mother tells me “This is reminiscent of Vietnam” and I’ve listened to the stories of those who were there… So please, as your wounds are reopened, reach out to those who’ve walked this path before…

A Vietnam vet, as I said thank you, told me thank you but it didn’t matter… That is not true… Because you do matter and what you did matters… And we must always have you, the soldier… During peace time and wars…

So as I say thank you I ask that you please take care of you and know that you mattered then and you matter now.

With love, gratitude and respect,

Me

… opening up

It’s both easy and difficult for me to open up to others… Easy because I’m an open book… I’ve got nothing to hide and willing to share… Difficult because I feel exposed and vulnerable… I struggle, after opening up, with a sort of guilt… Wishing I kept my darkness and my chaos to myself… Disgusted that I wasn’t strong enough to hold it all in and “deal”… I always find myself apologizing for burdening another…

It’s an unhealthy wish, but I wish I would just be quite and handle my darkness on my own

…a simple unrequited resolution

i want to matter… to have worth… worth that is real and not simply spoken… worth… caught in the crossfires of your stupidity, mistaken identity and a plea of “it is me”, a realization from you… inspiring change… change in you and changes in others… not simply words spoken… i want to live where i matter and where i am loved… loved in actions and not simply in words

an unrequited resolution…

a minute in the mind of darkness…

This is what living with mental illness feels like:

I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit.

I am not going to quit.