Tag: #lifesjourney

Unheard Unseen

With interruptions and snap assumptions, I realize most do not know me. Know who I am. People close to me. Family. Close friends. An idea of me has been formed and cemented in their minds. I can speak words but am not heard. I behave as me. I can grow. I can change. I allow Him to refine and strengthen my roots and branches. But the idea of me formed in my darkness is what others forever see. And; it is okay.

I just hope and pray that I do not do the same to others. True self unheard and unseen can be lonely. I don’t want others to feel alone because of me.

Do Over

I was laying by my daughter as she was sleeping… Found myself wishing for a ‘do over’… I knew exactly the moment in time I wanted it to begin… A ‘do over’… To prevent all the crap my choices put us through that brought us to now… Not that now is bad… We both fought for now… But the fight was unnecessary due to my choices… As I lay there envisioning my ‘do over’… I began to picture changing things… And trying to prevent the struggles of others…

That’s when I realized… A would screw up my ‘do over’… Creating the same mistakes I did before… Trying to ease the pain and prevent the struggling of others… More specifically those who do not want help or are not ready for help… Slowly but surely leading the path of the last decade of mine and my daughter’s life right back to another request for a ‘do over’…

No ‘do over’ please… Someone else can have that… I’m ready to move forward… Living off the lessons I learned from that decade… Ask God first and if I move always with Him, then all steps are of Light and forward movement… Surround myself with kindness and positivity… Choose joy over sadness… Some days it is a constant choice while others joy flows with ease… To not attach myself to a sinking ship or be a soldier in a war that is not mine… And to KNOW that it is okay… I was not created to save every sinking ship or fight every war… I was created to live the path God paved for me… And I need to stop getting in the way of that.

Were, are, and will be

I do not care who you were… I care who you are and who you will choose to be tomorrow.

In saying that, if you were a liar, a manipulator, unethical, an abuser, thrived on hurting others, fueled by hate then it will take time to rebuild trust… Trust is a fragile, delicate and precious thing.

Forgiveness is a given… But the scars of the fall in trust etch themselves deep… They take a very long time to heal.

However, please do not be deterred… Come… Let’s move forward, slowly and cautiously (for a true successful rebuilding of the relationship), together.

Check your form…

With life, as with running and yoga, when you start to hurt, feel unsteady, or fall, check your form…

Check your feet… Have a strong foundation and build strong roots…

Check your heart… Relax your shoulders from your ears and send your heart out towards the sky… Anchor your heart in goodness, kindness and all things of Light…

Head up and lifted towards the heavens… Focus your thoughts on truth and integrity…

Slow down and breathe… Find your center… The journey is just as important, if not more so, than the finish line.

a choice of goodness

Everyone has goodness inside… It is a choice… To be kind… To be humble… To be understanding… To be better… One just needs to decide and then act… Knowing that some days will be good and other days will be horrible… Keep in mind the Cha Cha Cha… Two steps forward and one step back… But always progressing onward…

Desire

I err in where I put trust… Always against my gut instinct… Trying to understand myself and why I have this contradicting behavior, I have come to believe it is because I desire to trust others, humans, and not that I don’t trust my gut instinct… Desire can steer us wrong, me wrong, on many levels… We attribute desire primarily to a sexual appetite… However, desire appears and disappears for many reasons… I mustn’t allow desire to steer the wheel…. Often times it’s one of two things: simply the wrong direction, or it creates a direction that will be a difficult difficult path to take (sometimes a rewarded end and sometimes a need for reversal)… I only need to trust One, in reality… He is always the same and His words are love… As for humans, I must learn to listen and respect my gut — not placing trust in some while accepting that is ok, and with peace and gratitude allowing myself to have trust in a small few while being kind to us both, during tough times, as we are all human

when you Pray

when you pray, you must be ready for the answer… when you pray “Lord, use me as You see fit. For Your Will.”, you need to be ready for what comes… when you pray, ” Lord, let all that is hidden be made known.”, you better be ready for what is revealed and the timing of each step of the reveal…

what we forget is that as the answer flows, we still have God… no matter how ugly, terrifying, life changing and heart breaking His answer is… when you pray, add to your prayer “Lord, and whatever may come, I pray that You shield me/us under Your wings. I ask that You guide us on how to react, on how to respond. I ask that You guide us towards healing. Helping us lower our egos, our pride, ourselves. Lifting You. Shielded by You. Healed.”

In Jesus’s name, Amen

…a simple unrequited resolution

i want to matter… to have worth… worth that is real and not simply spoken… worth… caught in the crossfires of your stupidity, mistaken identity and a plea of “it is me”, a realization from you… inspiring change… change in you and changes in others… not simply words spoken… i want to live where i matter and where i am loved… loved in actions and not simply in words

an unrequited resolution…