Unheard Unseen

With interruptions and snap assumptions, I realize most do not know me. Know who I am. People close to me. Family. Close friends. An idea of me has been formed and cemented in their minds. I can speak words but am not heard. I behave as me. I can grow. I can change. I allow Him to refine and strengthen my roots and branches. But the idea of me formed in my darkness is what others forever see. And; it is okay.

I just hope and pray that I do not do the same to others. True self unheard and unseen can be lonely. I don’t want others to feel alone because of me.

…a lonely place to be…

wisdom is a lonely place… to be wise one must also be humble… many falsely believe they are wise… but they are arrogant… arrogant with knowledge or arrogant with ignorance… arrogant none the less… the world is full of arrogance while wisdom is found scarcely

muddled

so many thoughts and emotions I can’t distinguish between them…muddled inside my entire being…that knot at the back of the throat…that need to cry…except, I can’t…at least not at this moment…so…a breath in…and an appreciation for the fact that I can cry…for about a decade I couldn’t…not wouldn’t…couldn’t…misdiagnosed and over medicated I was so numb…so exhausted…to cry ONE tear I would watch the saddest movies…but it was always only a tear that would surface…now that is misery…numbness doesn’t take emotions away…it simply hides them…hides them deep inside while the body feels the effects of them…fighting to be free but locked, in chains, to unmovable boulders created ages ago that have sprouted roots reaching the center of the earth…inter-twining and locking the boulder into place…so I will breathe and appreciate this muddled-ness…being able to feel…being able to cry like a baby who’s needs are not being met when even the sappiest of Disney commercials come on…to weep during sad movies…to weep when those muddled moments come I, randomly, can