Tag: #faith

Words and Loneliness

I know this. I know that loneliness can be strong. Can appear when you’re surrounded and when you’re alone. Can appear suddenly in times of happiness. Like a tsunami bursting through the peace and rest of the night. Tranquility. Turning all to chaos and stealing beings from their slumber. Replacing them with sadness. Loneliness can swallow you. Anchor you deep into darkness.

I know this too. That loneliness is lifted by time spent in God’s Word. Not just in prayer but in His Words. Turning to Him. Talking with Him. Listening to Him. His Word holds many Treasures.

I am so grateful for His Word. Brings me life. His Life. Light.

Another Being

Sometimes the loneliness I feel is so strong it seems as though it is another being in and of itself… Tied to me… So strong it seems like my soul is reaching out and has already found my other half before the rest of me has and is saying “he’s right there…he’s right there”…

But… I’m not sure I believe in soulmates and other halves anymore…

Where I’ve been has not been of The Light… That wonderment and excitement at the idea of another half, my half, my partner has diminished… Not extinguished…

So in an effort to keep that beautiful hope alive and inextinguishable… I will wait… Wait on The Light…

I’d rather feel the lonely and be alone than be with another and have the wonderment and excitement extinguished…

Soul Detox

This plan is found on The Bible App and is from Pastor Craig Groeschei and Life.Church.

Day One:

Our thoughts matter and we must learn how to process them. What we think, no matter how much we like to think otherwise, eventually becomes the energy we give out into the world. It is much easier to think negatively, we may not even realize that we are doing so, because the world is constantly throwing negativity at us. Stress. Worries. Disease. War. Rumors. It is in our face on a constant basis it seems. In order to have success in “taking our thoughts captive” we must seek God’s help and His truth.

Proverbs Chapter 4 speaks of wisdom: We are to get wisdom and understanding and to not turn from it. [GET means we must act and actually seek it out] We are not to forsake wisdom. Wisdom protects us. Watches over us. How do we get wisdom? Seek out Godly wisdom. It is the most important. This is something that requires action, constant action. Seek understanding: spiritual discernment and logical comprehension. We must prize, value and embrace wisdom. There honor, beauty and grace are found. Wisdom keeps you from stumbling. Keeps you steady on your path in life. Truth is that the wicked do not seek nor value wisdom. Wisdom shines a light on the sin and the wrongs in their life. Wicked enjoy seeing others fall. They take pleasure in others stumbling and being in darkness. The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn. Shining brighter and brighter until it reaches its full strength and glory [TRUTH: I struggled with the word righteous. However, it is not a horrible word. It is a beautiful and pure attribute. It simply means a good heart. I am 43. I have always struggled with that word, but I finally understand that it is self-righteousness that is unbecoming. Righteousness is a rare quality, and it is a thing of beauty.] GUARD YOUR HEART: from it flow the springs of life. DO NOT SPEAK LIES. STAY THE COURSE: keep your eyes/your spirit calm, strong and keep moving straight forward with moral courage and integrity.

Self-reflection: How have toxic thoughts affected my life and relationships? They stole life, stole joy, stole hope from my very existence. They imprisoned me. Stuck in a day-to-day existence and NOT a life of living. Stuck in bad relationships. Stuck in making the same detrimental choices over and over. They essentially delay God’s work and me walking the path He so graciously paved for me. Toxic thoughts lock you in. God’s thoughts free you and bring life.

There is this belief that knowledge and wisdom are the same. They are different. One can know every word in a book, like The Bible, but knowing each word is knowledge only. Understanding the words, the meaning of them, why they are there and how they are to be implemented in life and lived: that is wisdom. Wisdom begins and comes from God. You must desire wisdom. You must seek wisdom. You must pray to God to grant you wisdom. He gives generously to those who ask. Wisdom is the only way to freedom, life, glory and honor. We must be careful what we allow into our “bubbles”. The people we hang out with. The music we listen to. The movies or tv shows we watch. The books we read. The type of and amount of time we spend on social media as well as mass media and news programs. These things dictate how we feel and what we think. ALWAYS. No one is immune to that. The way we feel and think then dictates our existence. In truth, we should consider our hearts and our minds sacred and worthy of guarding.

What I always want to end with, even if I forget to say it, minute to minute/day to day/month to month/year to year, it is okay if you stumble. Falling is never a shameful act. Not getting back up is what is shameful. Be kind. To yourself and to others. We see that message a lot nowadays. What many fail to realize is that is what God’s word is all about. Love.

Unheard Unseen

With interruptions and snap assumptions, I realize most do not know me. Know who I am. People close to me. Family. Close friends. An idea of me has been formed and cemented in their minds. I can speak words but am not heard. I behave as me. I can grow. I can change. I allow Him to refine and strengthen my roots and branches. But the idea of me formed in my darkness is what others forever see. And; it is okay.

I just hope and pray that I do not do the same to others. True self unheard and unseen can be lonely. I don’t want others to feel alone because of me.

All you can do is ok

I started this section to share the studies I’ve done… To study them again with you… Learn new things… See new things… But summer has been rough… And rough is an understatement…

Little energy to give so my in depth Bible studying sort of faded… Everyday, though, I read the verse of the day and I talked to God and gave thanks for anything beautiful… Always feeling like I was failing, not doing enough, inept…

Now I see how much that helped and how much I needed that… I need Him… It’s okay to not be consistent in how you study or the in depthness of the study… What’s important is to connect with God, daily, however you can… However much you are able… Some days it will be more and others less… Just connect and walk with Him as much as you possibly can… And that’s ok

Do Over

I was laying by my daughter as she was sleeping… Found myself wishing for a ‘do over’… I knew exactly the moment in time I wanted it to begin… A ‘do over’… To prevent all the crap my choices put us through that brought us to now… Not that now is bad… We both fought for now… But the fight was unnecessary due to my choices… As I lay there envisioning my ‘do over’… I began to picture changing things… And trying to prevent the struggles of others…

That’s when I realized… A would screw up my ‘do over’… Creating the same mistakes I did before… Trying to ease the pain and prevent the struggling of others… More specifically those who do not want help or are not ready for help… Slowly but surely leading the path of the last decade of mine and my daughter’s life right back to another request for a ‘do over’…

No ‘do over’ please… Someone else can have that… I’m ready to move forward… Living off the lessons I learned from that decade… Ask God first and if I move always with Him, then all steps are of Light and forward movement… Surround myself with kindness and positivity… Choose joy over sadness… Some days it is a constant choice while others joy flows with ease… To not attach myself to a sinking ship or be a soldier in a war that is not mine… And to KNOW that it is okay… I was not created to save every sinking ship or fight every war… I was created to live the path God paved for me… And I need to stop getting in the way of that.

when you Pray

when you pray, you must be ready for the answer… when you pray “Lord, use me as You see fit. For Your Will.”, you need to be ready for what comes… when you pray, ” Lord, let all that is hidden be made known.”, you better be ready for what is revealed and the timing of each step of the reveal…

what we forget is that as the answer flows, we still have God… no matter how ugly, terrifying, life changing and heart breaking His answer is… when you pray, add to your prayer “Lord, and whatever may come, I pray that You shield me/us under Your wings. I ask that You guide us on how to react, on how to respond. I ask that You guide us towards healing. Helping us lower our egos, our pride, ourselves. Lifting You. Shielded by You. Healed.”

In Jesus’s name, Amen

…agendas and The Word

It bothers me when I see the fight against equality… Specifically equality in regards to the LGBTQ Community… For the most part, the fight against stems from this thought of protecting Christian values… Truth is that it is a fight stemming from an individual’s own views/issues with the homosexuality, transgender etc… If one was truly concerned with protecting Christian values then all of the following would be punishable with fines and/or jail time: adultery, gossiping, coveting, hating another human, taking God’s name in vain… I am a Christian… I am tired of seeing God’s word twisted and/or used to support one’s own agenda… There are two primary “jobs” we have as Christians: bring the beautiful news of Christ to the world and to love one another… Somewhere along the way, that message got lost and condemnation of others took hold as the job of a Christian… We judge and we do not share the beautiful words of God… We pick one verse out of thousands upon thousands to support an agenda when every single word is vital and connected to one another… God is deeper and more, well He is simply MORE than what is in black and white and written in one verse… His word is what should be protected (although He needs no protection, we need HIS protection) AND what should be shared…

what am i to learn…

i am well acquainted with darkness…the idea of death as a peaceful event…the majority of my life we walked side by side…as though twins-shadows of one another…darkness so dark it was akin to light…for me, that is…with this illness spreading throughout this earth like wild fire on the most windy of days, death now seems foreign to me and darkness is an entity from which I would like to be severed from…for now, at least…while i believe darkness to be a gift, it is a heavy gift to live with at the current moment…so i choose to learn…to become more acquainted with light and The Light…i choose to take this time…”sit” and get to know light…on an intimate level…one day the chaos of this will pass…i will welcome darkness back…but, in faith, i will carry with me light as well…both intimately…creating in me a more balanced being…for “I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.” Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spoke Zarathustra