Unheard Unseen

With interruptions and snap assumptions, I realize most do not know me. Know who I am. People close to me. Family. Close friends. An idea of me has been formed and cemented in their minds. I can speak words but am not heard. I behave as me. I can grow. I can change. I allow Him to refine and strengthen my roots and branches. But the idea of me formed in my darkness is what others forever see. And; it is okay.

I just hope and pray that I do not do the same to others. True self unheard and unseen can be lonely. I don’t want others to feel alone because of me.

Do Over

I was laying by my daughter as she was sleeping… Found myself wishing for a ‘do over’… I knew exactly the moment in time I wanted it to begin… A ‘do over’… To prevent all the crap my choices put us through that brought us to now… Not that now is bad… We both fought for now… But the fight was unnecessary due to my choices… As I lay there envisioning my ‘do over’… I began to picture changing things… And trying to prevent the struggles of others…

That’s when I realized… A would screw up my ‘do over’… Creating the same mistakes I did before… Trying to ease the pain and prevent the struggling of others… More specifically those who do not want help or are not ready for help… Slowly but surely leading the path of the last decade of mine and my daughter’s life right back to another request for a ‘do over’…

No ‘do over’ please… Someone else can have that… I’m ready to move forward… Living off the lessons I learned from that decade… Ask God first and if I move always with Him, then all steps are of Light and forward movement… Surround myself with kindness and positivity… Choose joy over sadness… Some days it is a constant choice while others joy flows with ease… To not attach myself to a sinking ship or be a soldier in a war that is not mine… And to KNOW that it is okay… I was not created to save every sinking ship or fight every war… I was created to live the path God paved for me… And I need to stop getting in the way of that.

when you Pray

when you pray, you must be ready for the answer… when you pray “Lord, use me as You see fit. For Your Will.”, you need to be ready for what comes… when you pray, ” Lord, let all that is hidden be made known.”, you better be ready for what is revealed and the timing of each step of the reveal…

what we forget is that as the answer flows, we still have God… no matter how ugly, terrifying, life changing and heart breaking His answer is… when you pray, add to your prayer “Lord, and whatever may come, I pray that You shield me/us under Your wings. I ask that You guide us on how to react, on how to respond. I ask that You guide us towards healing. Helping us lower our egos, our pride, ourselves. Lifting You. Shielded by You. Healed.”

In Jesus’s name, Amen

…a simple unrequited resolution

i want to matter… to have worth… worth that is real and not simply spoken… worth… caught in the crossfires of your stupidity, mistaken identity and a plea of “it is me”, a realization from you… inspiring change… change in you and changes in others… not simply words spoken… i want to live where i matter and where i am loved… loved in actions and not simply in words

an unrequited resolution…

…limited sight

Most only think and form views within a limited span of time… 100 years forward and 300 years backwards… Truth is that it, injustice, is not a racial problem stemming from the white man towards the black man… It is not Christian vs Muslim vs Hindu vs Buddhist et al… It is not male vs female… Rather it stems from greed, hate or misguided faith… Or all three… Humans have battled for thousands of years… Tables turning as if locked in a dance of rituals… If your sight is limited, the dance will never change… The leading partner simply flips only to be flipped back within a few generations… For change to come in this world, be of good value as well as root itself within its people, we must have better vision… See and understand our entire history while thinking many generations ahead… Understanding instead of blaming… Loving, truly loving, instead of hating… Seeking wisdom instead of knowledge