Category: Uncategorized

what am i to learn…

i am well acquainted with darkness…the idea of death as a peaceful event…the majority of my life we walked side by side…as though twins-shadows of one another…darkness so dark it was akin to light…for me, that is…with this illness spreading throughout this earth like wild fire on the most windy of days, death now seems foreign to me and darkness is an entity from which I would like to be severed from…for now, at least…while i believe darkness to be a gift, it is a heavy gift to live with at the current moment…so i choose to learn…to become more acquainted with light and The Light…i choose to take this time…”sit” and get to know light…on an intimate level…one day the chaos of this will pass…i will welcome darkness back…but, in faith, i will carry with me light as well…both intimately…creating in me a more balanced being…for “I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.” Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spoke Zarathustra

my apologies…

I want to apologize for my last post under ‘Deep Thoughts’…first I want to clarify that, for me, ignorance is not stupidity nor an insult….it is simply a lack of education on a topic that can always be remedied by choosing to educate oneself…education does not always change your opinion…but from that point forward, you have true and solid backing for your belief…it’s your belief and not your family’s, the media’s, your peer’s…NOW, I want to apologize for my statement…as I observe the news, social media posts, people’s comments on politics I have come to the realization that the majority of citizens want the same thing: human rights, equal rights, peace and truth; yes, the balance of which or the definition of which is and always will be up for debate BUT for the most part we all lean towards the same goals…what is happening is we are caught up in the fight between parties, political system ideas/threats by those parties and people in power which is fueled by the media (do some research…most news outlets are owned by the same families and intertwine somehow with one another) and then the media bombards us 24/7 with their agenda…so, we get caught in the middle…fighting and taking sides when what needs to happen is we say NO…we do not give our energies to those in power, to those in the media…but we give our energies to one another and ask one another questions and LISTEN…and breathe, finding common ground and understanding…if we each step in that direction, like a domino effect as we continue to listen, talk, travel, grow, reach out with love we will start to see true change in this country that is not political party, political system or the rich/powerful related but is HUMAN (citizen) related…so my apologies for falling into that trap of fear and anger due to the hype of the media and politicians…let’s stop pointing fingers, being defensive, living in a state of fear…and start at home with change: listening, asking questions, finding common ground…let us see where that step takes us…it is like the lyric from the song Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise by The Avette Brothers: “… and your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected…” because, it honestly doesn’t…love and peace to all💕

Twitter writer…anyone?

If politicians have speech writers, they should also have twitter writers. It is too easy to type fast and hit post in the heat of the moment. They hold important public offices and should be held to a higher level of standard with what they put out on social media. All parties. Also, if it takes 100 questions to break-up with Facebook, a politician should be asked 100 times if the post should be posted. “Have you calmed down?” “Have you thought this through?” “Have you talked this post over with ANYONE besides your bff or groupie?” “Post? Are you sure?” “Are you REALLY sure?”

Raising the last white flag…

I’m done…I cannot keep going…I have tried everything…everything…and I pray all the time and study His word…but I must be missing something that I’m supposed to be grasping or doing because I get worse and I am more of a burden…I have nothing to offer…I’m not going suicidal…but I am exhausted…very literally in all aspects except, ironically, my mental illness…which was the battle for the longest time…I fought it so hard I believe I wore my body down…and with that, my spirit…so I’m done…done with the routine daily life shit, like eating, taking my meds, pretending to be okay and letting everyone believe that I believe their bullshit lies when they smile and say “you’re not a burden” “you’re not worthless”…because fact is that I’m too tired to work…how pathetic is that…and there isn’t much money…so I’m done because I’m broken beyond repair and the sadness is stronger than what’s left of my desire to live