Category: Uncategorized

Were, are, and will be

I do not care who you were… I care who you are and who you will choose to be tomorrow.

In saying that, if you were a liar, a manipulator, unethical, an abuser, thrived on hurting others, fueled by hate then it will take time to rebuild trust… Trust is a fragile, delicate and precious thing.

Forgiveness is a given… But the scars of the fall in trust etch themselves deep… They take a very long time to heal.

However, please do not be deterred… Come… Let’s move forward, slowly and cautiously (for a true successful rebuilding of the relationship), together.

Check your form…

With life, as with running and yoga, when you start to hurt, feel unsteady, or fall, check your form…

Check your feet… Have a strong foundation and build strong roots…

Check your heart… Relax your shoulders from your ears and send your heart out towards the sky… Anchor your heart in goodness, kindness and all things of Light…

Head up and lifted towards the heavens… Focus your thoughts on truth and integrity…

Slow down and breathe… Find your center… The journey is just as important, if not more so, than the finish line.

Fed. Up.

The fleeing Democrats of Texas are the prime example of what is wrong in our country and what is wrong with the Democratic Party and The Left…. I don’t get my way or you don’t do what I want then I’m going to throw a temper tantrum and not take responsibility…. Oh and add ten scoops of mass media throwing nonsense at the public to deter from truth and confuse/angrily hype up citizens…. You should all be ashamed.

And they should absolutely not be bailed out if arrested. Hypocrisy at its finest.

For the record… This is my stance on any party who behaves this way… I do not care if you are Republican, Independent, Libertarian, Green, Democrat, Centralist… Or any other not mentioned… We don’t need circuses and sideshow acts anymore… Politics, politicians, mass media and their groupies have taken their place.

You may kneel…

But place your right hand over your heart… It is a moment that should be beyond any agenda… It is a time to show gratitude and humbleness… Kneel… But remember someone fought for your right to kneel without being jailed or murdered… Someone’s family gave up precious time with a loved one, for a moment or for forever… I lost an uncle for your right to kneel… I worried for 24/7 for 1,460 days over a brother for your right to kneel… So you kneel BUT you salute those who sacrificed…

Angry with our government? Angry with the police? That’s ok. I too struggle at times. But I see how truly fortunate I am to be living in a developed country with a police force that is not privatised and is ruled by the same laws that rule me… So I place my hand over my heart and give thanks to those who fought and are fighting for me… And for you

You may kneel… But I tell you that you should also place your right hand over your heart… As for me and my loves, we will stand… With hand over heart giving thanks… Even when the chaos and corruption of others frustrates and baffles, we will stand because we fortunately can ❤

…

I have to constantly remind myself of who I am… And who I am not… I live with quite a few health issues which zap my energy… I am always in a mode of conservation so that I am able to live a life of some quality and be something more than a chronic napper for my daughter… I deal with mental illness as well but that is not a hindrance to me anymore… I’ve found the right combination of meds, exercise and meditation to make me “normal” in that department… My physical health, though, is a rollercoaster ride… And it’s exhausting, humbling, degrading… I live in a world of doubts and doubters… Always questioning if “I am authentic in my illness”… Fortunately this doubt is not from my doctor and his team… They actually remind me that it isn’t made up and I’m not crazy… It comes from those around me… And… I’m just worn the fuck out, to be honest… I’m not sure why I am making this post except to get these feelings outside of myself… I hate this… I hate feeling like shit and pushing through anyways… I hate conservation mode… I hate being questioned about the legitimacy of how I feel… I hate that my entire being loves to work, be busy, be active, be with people but I simply cannot… I hate having to remind myself that this is real, that it’s ok, and that I am better… I hate that the plans I made for just my summer have been upended because of a new health issue brought on by the heat… I hate making plans because they tend to fall through… And I really really hate the doubters… I have enough on my plate without your constant skepticism and negativity…

And that’s how I feel… And it will pass… Because I have thick skin and I’m a fucking warrior… I will dust myself off… Hold tight to my faith… Remind myself of the progress… Find goodness in all things… And make new plans, again… And push on…

And I will recover one day… And, hopefully, bring comfort to others who are fighting the same fight… Not alone

a choice of goodness

Everyone has goodness inside… It is a choice… To be kind… To be humble… To be understanding… To be better… One just needs to decide and then act… Knowing that some days will be good and other days will be horrible… Keep in mind the Cha Cha Cha… Two steps forward and one step back… But always progressing onward…

Desire

I err in where I put trust… Always against my gut instinct… Trying to understand myself and why I have this contradicting behavior, I have come to believe it is because I desire to trust others, humans, and not that I don’t trust my gut instinct… Desire can steer us wrong, me wrong, on many levels… We attribute desire primarily to a sexual appetite… However, desire appears and disappears for many reasons… I mustn’t allow desire to steer the wheel…. Often times it’s one of two things: simply the wrong direction, or it creates a direction that will be a difficult difficult path to take (sometimes a rewarded end and sometimes a need for reversal)… I only need to trust One, in reality… He is always the same and His words are love… As for humans, I must learn to listen and respect my gut — not placing trust in some while accepting that is ok, and with peace and gratitude allowing myself to have trust in a small few while being kind to us both, during tough times, as we are all human

… opening up

It’s both easy and difficult for me to open up to others… Easy because I’m an open book… I’ve got nothing to hide and willing to share… Difficult because I feel exposed and vulnerable… I struggle, after opening up, with a sort of guilt… Wishing I kept my darkness and my chaos to myself… Disgusted that I wasn’t strong enough to hold it all in and “deal”… I always find myself apologizing for burdening another…

It’s an unhealthy wish, but I wish I would just be quite and handle my darkness on my own